My dear sister in Christ,

I want you to know that I see you, and that it is my hope, my prayer, that this letter will bring you some comfort and peace. I hope that, by sharing my experience, you will no longer feel so alone.

For the recently engaged, the world tells you to be happy, that your life is on track and you are quickly moving toward a status of success, that you are happy. People rejoice, acquaintances you have not spoken to in years will like your post (if you’ve chosen to share), and friends and family will necessarily tell you you are glowing, even if you can visibly see bags under your eyes from tossing and turning at night.

Because, if you’re like me and struggle with anxiety and depression, this beautiful chapter in your life is not quite like you dreamed it up to be (at least not initially). No one prepared me for the pit in my stomach I would sometimes feel, or the anxiety-ridden dreams and sleepless nights. Nor did they prepare me for the heartache and tears I’d experience when I thought about changing my last name (though I doodled my name with his last name for years prior to a proposal), or when I thought about the fact that in a new way I had to let go of my family. And all the rom-coms and Instagram posts in the world did not prepare me for the moments of overwhelming anxiety as I agonized over whether or not this monumental, life-changing decision was the right, God-willed decision. Entering into a covenant relationship with God and your spouse is not something to be taken lightly, and when you have enough trouble deciding what coffee you should order, it’s understandable that this monumental moment might be a little (OK, a lot) stressful.